Sonder The Deco in Miami Beach looked like a nice place on Expedia. So we booked it for three nights. Pretty expensive but heck this is a vacation, right? Well, it turned out to be one of the most pathetic excuses for a hotel I have ever experienced. The whole thing is app-based, which sounds like a forward-thinking idea but is actually super inconvenient. The access to the floors and rooms is very weird. Instead of a magnetic card, the app sends you an access code, which you must type into the doorknob at your floor, and then again at your room. Maybe the app is helpful, because the front desk clerk barely, barely spoke English; she had an incredibly strong Spanish accent and was just about impossible to communicate with. First of all, the room was diminutive, and the hallway was extremely noisy. The bathroom was so tiny that there was no space to put anything on either, except to close the toilet and put your stuff on the lid. There was no furniture in the room to place your suitcase on, either; it had to be left on the floor. Our room was on the third floor. The elevator was out of service, so we had to carry our stuff. No one offered to schlep it up there for us. The writeup had said there was a gym. So we asked at the front desk. "It's in the third building." Okay, we walked down to the third building but didn't see anything except a sign on the elevator in _that_ building that the elevator was out of order there too. Then we spotted a tiny sign that said "GYM". We went there. About the size of a small bedroom. Of course the equipment was filthy, and one of the two Stairmasters was out of order. There was a Universal machine, but no bench and no choice of handles .... pretty much useless. Of course no towels or anything, and no way to cool the tiny room. Just the two of us in there was plenty; would hate to have had more people crammed in there! Okay, let's go check out the rooftop ... it must be nice from the photos, right? Ummm, no, it's just a small rooftop with a few people smoking. No tables, just a few sorry chairs and couches. Probably not cleaned in the last month. No worries, let's go check out the pool that looked so great on Expedia. Well, there must have been more Photoshopping than Kim Kardashian, because the pool is absolutely tiny and is right next to a major road, with all the noise you'd expect. Just awful. This hotel doesn't feature breakfast. It doesn't feature any amenities at all. In fact, there's a $20 charge to have your room cleaned!!! I'm not making this up. I tried to get my money back so we could just go to a normal hotel but the front desk clerk (see above) in her loud ultra-Spanish accent told me that there were no refunds and that I had to take it up with Expedia. Well, no refunds there either. Just a completely crappy experience. Why anyone would pick this place above the many other hotels in Miami Beach is beyond me.…