If Satan ever needed a place to stay during his travels, he would feel right at home at Extended StayAmerica.
The appeal of this particular hotel seems to be in its touted offering of a kitchenette in each room, which includes a full sized refrigerator and a stove. But you will quickly find yourself securing all your square-like possessions in a secure lockbox when you discover just how enthusiastically and quite disturbingly Extended Stay cuts corners in order to offer budgetary rates to their customers. Then again, when comparing these "affordable rates" to other hotels that offer more amenities, more service, and more, well just about everything, all at equally competitive prices, you may feel less better about saving yourself an extra 5 dollars by opting for this particular hole in the ground.
A frequent traveler would almost take the standard cable TV (with HBO) amenity that 99 percent of motels across America offer for granted. Not so with Extended Stay, which via satellite offers you a whopping 11 channels, three of which belong to Showtime, and all of which tend to recirculate the same three movies over and over again until your eyes begin to bleed. To add insult to injury, the picture quality is only slightly better than what you would get by grabbing the TV wire and sticking your finger up in the air.
Not to worry though, for this acclaimed hotel offers you plenty of other amenities to keep you busy and entertained, right? Not exactly.
There is no pool. Not outdoors nor indoors. No jacuzzi, no sauna, no arcade room, no pool table, no courtyard, no playground, no bar, no restaurants within walking distance, no shuttle service, not even a bowl of candy at the front desk to get your blood sugar up. They do offer a parking lot though. How thoughtful!
Hell gets even a little bit closer when you discover that air conditioning is considered an amenity here, as many of the rooms have air conditioning in dire need of repair, but they never will be because management in its eternal wisdom spent their budget on repainting the outside walls of the building instead. Maintenance also appears to be highly skilled in looking at broken items without actually fixing them, while the maid service seems content in leaving you one roll of toilet paper that they honestly expect should be good enough to last a week; this in a room filled with multiple occupants. The room itself shows every indication that not a single piece of furniture or item has been replaced since the hotel itself was first built. The roaches don't seem to mind, however.
Extended Stay does boast a laundry room, though not a clean one. The dryers and three of the washing machines look as old as time itself, with lint forever being left in the dryers by thoughtless customers, while strange substances can be found embedded on the inside walls of the washing machines; so foreign do they look that scientists may soon add a new element to the periodic table just by analyzing the ooze they'll find here.
Far from being apologetic, the staff (with only few exceptions) are arrogant, inexperienced, and just plain indifferent to the needs and well-being of their guests. During their "major" renovations to repaint the building walls, the stench from the diesel engines which the painters used (not to mention the thunderous roars they gave out at seven in the morning) was enough to send more than one guest packing and running for the hills. A complaint to the desk is met as usual with a shrug of the shoulders.
I happened to stay just as the hotel began to offer wireless internet access, which they proudly advertised via a huge banner attached to the side of the building. What they neglected to mention however, is that the signal deteriorates the moment you leave the front desk and make way for your room, at which point you begin to realize the Wi-Fi access was really installed for the staff's pleasure, rather than for the customers.
Not many motels allow you to stay for an indefinite period of time, and this particular hotel chain is no doubt fully aware of that fact. They will allow you to stay and stay, but you will pay and pay, in more ways than one.
There are times when we should be frugal. Picking a place to lodge at this location is not one of them. Spare yourself much agony, gnashing of teeth and aggravation by spending a few extra dollars at a more hospitable environment. Your sanity will thank you.
