To clarify: unlike apparently most of the other reviews this is not about the restaurant but the hotel. As I have not eaten in the restaurant I will obviously not review it.
I had the doubtful pleasure to stay in The Swan for 3 weeks for business reasons and if it were up to my decision I would have changed to a different after the first night.
The first thing you notice when you arrive with a big suitcase and a trolley is that there is no elevator but only a narrow and step staircase to the top floor. The whole building is slanted towards the river which makes feel like a drunk when walking through the hallway to your room. Good thing said hallway is so narrow that you can't fall to the side.
Every room is different but they all share the pseudo-victorian style and more or less the same flaws.
The main lamp in the room was a weak 20W bulb that wouldn't illuminate anything much. If you wanted a decent light level you'd have to turn on both bedside lamps and the lamp on the sideboard. Even then it barely had enough light in the room unless you like a dimly mood.
There was a closet but unfortunately it only had clothes rails and both sides were mostly occupied with a big standing fan and an ironing board. The room was also lacking a decent table, all it had was a sideboard which was mostly occupied by a lamp and tea making facilities so there was no chance to put a laptop anywhere let alone work with one.
There is a wall mounted flat screen TV with DVD player but unfortunately the remote disappeared on the first weekend and didn't turn up even after some inquiries.
Since the room was above the pub there was no chance for sleeping before 23:15 due to the noise level. I didn't have to turn on the radiator as well since the fireplace from below dissipated enough heat to warm up my room to 22+C. One of the curtains was also broken but no one seemed to really care.
Shower was broken and the handle for the water had exposed screw threads. Only after 2 weeks of complaining the replacement part was finally installed. Setting the temperature was more of a rough guess since it constantly would change from warm to scolding hot. Lighting fixtures were too far away from the mirror which made shaving fun due to the cast shadow. Drain would not work properly. No toilet brush.
If you don’t like English breakfast you’re screwed. There is some yoghurt, some mini cereal boxes, something that ought to resemble croissants. The only good thing were the fresh fruits.
Tea kettle plus assortment of tea. Unfortunately the kettle hasn’t been cleaned for what seemed years due to the massive buildup of scale. Some cookies, water.
Wireless internet was available but bandwidth was a joke and the connections would drop constantly.
No laundry service.
Distant & generic friendly, they didn’t seem to care about any complaints.
Way too expensive for what is but there aren’t a lot of alternatives around.
Would I recommend this place to a friend: definitely no!
- Official Description (provided by the hotel):
- The Swan Hotel is a early 20th-century inn with 9 individual bedrooms and 2 executive rooms. We are located just 15 minutes drive from Heathrow Airport and conveniently close to Staines Upon Thames, Runnymede, Historic Windsor, the JFK Memorial and based right on the river Thames. ... more less
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- Also Known As:
- The Swan Hotel Staines
- Swan Hotel London