I registered for a MycoMeditations psilocybin retreat, I thought, to resolve physical pain from chronic fibromyalgia. After 8 years of traditional medical treatment, at a personal cost to me exceeding $80,000, I was getting worse, not better. Psilocybin’s ability to create new neuropathways (around broken pathways thought to be a source of pain and depression) had my attention.
What I got from MycoMeditations was so much more than reduced physical pain - I GOT MY LIFE BACK! I mean ALL of it. My understanding of the world around me has expanded exponentially. I am present and active in my daily life. My pain is virtually gone. My mind is sharp and clear. I reconnected with my family and friends on a much deeper and intimate level. I began dating and am now happily partnered in the most positive relationship of my life. I was able to return to work, establishing my own Financial Management Consulting firm. It was seven days that changed my life.
Day 1 - When boarding the shuttle at Montego Bay Airport, I was isolated, down and in pain. Others on the shuttle appeared the same. Anxiety and doubt began to creep in. But, thankfully, Athena, the Operations Manager for MycoMeditations, was well poised to ward that off. She made introductions and spoke with and supported us the entire 2 ½ hour trip to Treasure Beach. She offered us water and protein bars. Immediately, I felt like I was in good hands.
Arriving in Treasure Beach, we were warmly greeted by the resort staff, assigned to our rooms, and our luggage was delivered. We were allowed time to settle in before receiving a home-made Jamaican dinner. All facilitators, including a therapist and a nurse, were present at dinner. Throughout the evening, we were free to talk with them in groups or one on one, depending upon our needs and preferences. Ben, Justin, Dan, Matt, Nickesha, and Ruschienne were amazing. These people exude empathy and compassion with every word they speak, with every hug they give.
Day 2 - The next morning, we had our first “circle” integration meeting, the purpose of which was to discuss our goals and expectations for the first dosing session. Each person was allowed to speak individually, without interruption. Coming from a large, competitive Italian family, this was a first for me. People were actually listening to what I was saying. The facilitators actively engaged and encouraged, even the shyest and most withdrawn of us. The therapist then conducted a guided group meditation, designed to set our intentions for the dosing session.
My first trip was amazing. I was in awe at the beauty I saw. It goes beyond description, a surreal depiction of an endless universe where everything and everyone was interconnected. It was beauty so deep that you didn’t just see it, but actually felt the beauty. But I also experienced two very uncomfortable things. First, I had this strange force pulling me to the right, to the point I felt I was going to fall off my lounge chair (although others subsequently told me that I never leaned or moved from my position). Then, the force reversed and pulled from the left. Second, I had severe pain in my arms and legs, and the feeling that my arms and legs were locked in concrete. This was very similar to the feelings during a bad fibromyalgia flare-up. My first impulse was to panic. But, thanks to the pre-dosing advise I received from Eric’s team, I knew how to deal with this. Given my intention was to overcome this pain, I was advised that I may feel pain during my trip. And, if I did feel the pain, that I should lean into it, not run from it. So, I leaned into it. Then I could feel the concrete peeling away, and a new, pain-free body lay beneath. It was as if I were Superman, shedding my Clark Kent clothes for my Superman outfit (or, in my case, Superwoman). The pain was gone and I have not had a major fibromyalgia flare-up in the 10 months since.
Day 3 - In the next integration circle, I expressed my gratitude for the elimination of my pain. After 8 years of being in chronic, high level pain, I felt free and light. But it didn’t stop there. Eric’s team pushed for what my next goal or intention would be. I thought, what? I already have everything I came here for. My pain is gone. They asked “But what did the right then left pulling forces mean? What else is your mind trying to tell you?” I was too naïve to know how much more I had to learn about myself and the world around me.
On this day, I met Eric Osborne (Eric was not leading my retreat). Immediately, I took a liking to him. His passion for the healing he is bringing to the world is obvious. Eric provided a tour of the grow facility. His love for his mission clear each time he picked up a mushroom to show us some particular attribute.
Day 4 - That brings us to dosing day #2. We had a pre-dosing meditation session with the therapist. This guided meditation was about the inner child. We were all guided to a place inside our heart where we could meet our inner child. As we went around the group, each guest was talking about playing with or holding or loving their inner child. When it became my turn to speak, I cried. Because my inner child was in a prison, with concrete walls, and bars, and only one plastic chair to sit on. I coaxed the child into trusting me, and eventually was able to hug her. I then picked her up and brought her to the concrete wall. A window appeared and I showed her the beauty of the outdoors. The animals, and ocean, and people and the sky, and the birds. I told her it was safe to come out. The therapist and facilitators were all there to help me through this moment. The message was pretty obvious but a very painful realization. I did not have much of a childhood. I grew up way too quickly children of divorced parents often do, and locked away my inner child in the process.
I stated my intention for the second dose as getting in touch with my emotions and truly feeling my feelings. Oh boy, did I ever do that. The trip began with the force pulling me to the right. I saw the most beautiful purple orb, which for some reason I knew to be my mother. I said “Hi Mom!” and the orb glowed. I proceeded to apologize to her for not being strong enough. As a child, I was not strong enough to deal with my parent’s bitter divorce. I could not be a daughter to both parents with all the hatred. So, I chose one parent – my Dad. I later reconciled with my Mom as an adult, but many years were lost that we could never get back. I also apologized for the night she passed. I was with her in the hospital. She was having chest pain and severe drops in blood pressure. I brought her to the ER around noon. She wanted to go to her ER, which didn’t have a cardiac specialty. I wanted to take her to a better ER with this capacity. I gave in. And, that weakness in me contributed to her death. Her ER did not detect that she had an aortic dissection. They did not call in a cardiologist for 6 hours. During that time, she bled to death waiting for a diagnosis. I cried and cried. I begged her for forgiveness. The purple orb turned an amazing shade of blue and started beating like a heartbeat. Her forgiveness washed over me and I wept at the love I felt from and with her. This moment was interrupted by the force pulling me to the left. Shortly thereafter, I came out of the trip state. I felt as if a great burden had been lifted off my shoulder. I felt I could walk a little taller, a little lighter.
Day 5 – After the morning Integration session, the remainder of the day was filled with socialization. A group of people that arrived just days earlier, in the midst of pain, isolation and depression, have become friends. People are disclosing their biggest fears, and deepest secrets, and truly connecting with each other. I feel as if I’ve known these beautiful people all of my life. I trust them that much. We are bonded that much.
Day 6 - For the third dose, I was really seeking resolution of the force pulling me from one side to another. With that intention, I entered the trip space. At first, I had a beautiful experience related to music. I could hear individual notes, individual instruments, I could almost see the music. The message I received from this is that everyone is important. A song can’t be written with just one note. It is the combination and connection to others that makes magic. This lasted about an hour, and then I came around. One facilitator came over to talk to me, and ultimately told me to put my eye mask back on and go back under – that there was more for me to learn. So, I did and am so very grateful for his advice. It was during this stage that the clarity came. That the pulling from right to left represented my parents. Each time I talked to my Mom or thought of her, the force came from the right. Each time I thought about my Dad, the force came from the left. The message – I don’t have to choose. Life is not comprised of exclusive extremes. It is not black and white. It is full of gray.
Day 7 – Our final day was spent at YS Falls as a group. Here, we continued to bond in the beauty of the falls. But also, we overcame our fears and obstacles. We jumped into the falls. We went zip lining. A week prior, I couldn’t walk up a flight of stairs.
This experience was nothing short of magical for me. So much so, that I have joined Eric on his mission. I am not a facilitator, since that is not my strength. I provide financial consulting to Eric and the company. In this role, I have seen time and time again, that Eric puts the interest of his guests above profits. He is truly focused on a mission of healing others.